Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
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