that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
