I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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