im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
