I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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