why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize