I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
