Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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