we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
