i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
