i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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