I wanna bring you to show and tell
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
