were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
