I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
