people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize