Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
