the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
