What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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