not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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