How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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