just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize