Yo dont text me then not text me
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
