My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
