This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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