I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
