Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize