just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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