I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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