The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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