Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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