Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize