I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
