He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
