so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Rumble strips road head = magical
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
