my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Life is so much better after having sex.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
