you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
