The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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