I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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