Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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