I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize