Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
