No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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