I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
