He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
