Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
