Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
