apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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