I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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