People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
