I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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