I can tuck mytits in my pants
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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