Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
