I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
