It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
