Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you would pick up someone in the library
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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