hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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