ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
