She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
