I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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