At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize