I will die if light touches me.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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