yo everyone went to the hospital last night
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It was like getting head from an anaconda
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
