you have to choose: penises or morals?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
All the doctor said was why
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
