How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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