Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
