my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
