And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
