What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
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