Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize