I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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