I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
