Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
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We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize