Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
