I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
