just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
high people should be assigned attendants
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
