She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
