i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
