just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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