If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I fill condoms, not promises.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
