does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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