Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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