it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
